More Than Just Sadness

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”   - Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral's Kiss

I have recently come to know that someone whom I care about deeply has been diagnosed with depression, which is to say that this person had previously been diagnosed with depression, and I recently became aware of this diagnosis due to complications arising therefrom.  Out of respect for this person's privacy, however, I will refrain from revealing any more about the instant particulars. 

What saddens me most, though, is that this person is very reticent--afraid--to tell even those close to him or her about this condition because this person is afraid that others might think differently of him or her.  The first part is understandable, and does not bother me at all: it is perfectly normal for we as humans to experience some degree of reluctance--often a rather significant degree--when it comes to exposing our weaknesses and vulnerabilities, shortcomings and imperfections. I know that I would be reluctant to share nearly anything of such nature.  There is a problem somewhere, though, if our society has taught us to treat others differently, in an adverse manner, when we are granted access to and trusted with a tender and sensitive portion of their soul, or if our society has taught us to be fearful that others will treat us thus differently if we open ourselves to them. 

The problem, I assure you, is not depression.  That is not to say that depression is not serious and not an illness, for it is both.  As a society, however, we ought to teach ourselves and our children and our future generations that a deeper understanding of another person is not a license to either strike them where it would hurt the most or to treat them as anything but an ordinary human being.  It is possible that we have for the most part conquered the former already, but we certainly have quite a ways to go regarding the latter.  We also must come to understand that our weaknesses and shortcomings and flaws are not something we should be afraid of, for each of us has his or her custom amalgam thereof, and, while our problems are generally unique, having trials and difficulties is certainly a shared human experience. 

This is not to say that we should be revel in our flaws and parade them around as if we had achieved our most perfect state from our inception, sitting back doing nothing to change what might be changed or to better that which might be bettered--we must all strive to make the most of ourselves and do our best to overcome the obstacles placed in our path.  But we must not judge others for having different problems than ourselves. 

To all those with depression, in particular the person who inspired this series of thoughts, imagine that there is a food that you love.  Your favorite food.  You buy it in bulk whenever you can get it at the store, and sometimes that isn't very often.  If you had an infinite supply, you would eat it constantly and never feel sick because you would exercise to eat more without feeling sick.  Imagine then that, one day, you look on the nutrition label and you see that it contains an ingredient that may not be the greatest.  People may have told before and often that the ingredient might not be healthy.  You suddenly understand your favorite food a little more.  You might understand now why it tastes as it does.  Maybe you can't see how the ingredient affects the taste at all.  But the thing is, you don't stop eating your favorite food.  You look at the label, and tell yourself that what you learned was interesting and that you may not have expected it, but doesn't deter you from enjoying a food you have enjoyed so much and for so long. 

To me, this is what it like to learn that someone has depression.  I might understand the person a bit better, but I hope that I would never treat him or her worse for revealing a part of him or herself to  me.  And, as long as I am in charge of what I do, I don't intend to. 

That being said, it is important to remember that depression is far more than sadness:

“There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, 'There now, hang on, you'll get over it.' Sadness is more or less like a head cold-- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.”   - Barbara Kingsolver, The Bean Trees

And, as it is related, I highly recommend this.  It is one of my favorites. 

 

Jeffrey R. Holland, "Like a Broken Vessel"

  “The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”   - T.H. White, The Once and Future King